My Thoughts In Music

"Every night I burn, dreaming the cold black dream...." echoes the wonderfully melodic voice of Robert Smith in my ears as I write this, reminding me of the soundless dreamless sleep I have been having as of late.

Next I hear the amazing Trent Reznor as he leads me on the path towards the downward spiral, his evil whisper barely heard over the harsh music.

And now Lou Reed sings "Heroin" to me as I close my eyes and let the music carry me to a place I know very well. A place I probably shouldn't go. But it's warm and safe there, and my heart is at ease....I'll stay here with you...for now.

Is the music trying to tell me something? Do I have a journey to make? Is there a particular mind frame that I'm supposed to be in?

And now "The Interview" is playing and Davey Havok asks to me "scream with him." But I don't know how to scream. Sometimes I don't think I know how to talk. And I think I need to learn how to talk before I learn to scream. Or is it the other way around?

Appropriately, The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack comes on next. "Fear can turn to love..." the phantom sings to me as a wistful smile plays on my lips. If that's true, is it real love I wonder? Is it the kind of love you only dream about?

And now my thoughts seem stuck on sex as Madonna sings her version of "Fever" from her infamous Erotica album. I fast forward this song. Now's not the time to be thinking about sex.

To those that are wondering why I'm writing this, it's because I have to say something. It may not be what you want to hear, and it may not be what I really need to say, but it's something. Truth is, I'm afraid to write what I should be writing. Afraid someone will read more into it than they should. I'm fairly certain what I've written above is going to be misconstrued somehow and turned into something that it's not.

But I can't control the music once I hit the "shuffle" function on my Blackberry's music player. Nor can I help what it reminds me of or how it makes me feel.

So fuck off douchebag! You know who you are.

I should probably change my settings and make my blog private. I should probably keep my thoughts to myself. But I feel that by doing so, it makes it look like I'm hiding.

And what's done in darkness always comes to light. Sooner or later. And I'm done living in the darkness. I've lived in it for too long. So bring on the light. But wait! Hold on! Let me get my sunblock first.

I've fast forwarded the next few songs. The song I'm now listening to is "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga.

And you know what? I think I just might.