Letter Home From Summer Camp

Below is a classic example of what happens when boredom really sets in and I have nothing better to do with my time. It's a little twisted so if you don't have a sense of humor and can't take a joke, please don't read it.


Dear Mom and Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Drew when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Drew's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Drew in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Drew for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Drew said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire, the petrol will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of our tents did and also some of our clothes. Charles is going to look pretty weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted can get the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down. That's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a neat bus. Scoutmaster Ted doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if its hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the roof. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until a policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he's a good driver. He's been teaching Joseph how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Drew was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying hard not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all earned our first aid merit badges. When Chris dove into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Art and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said he got sick that way with food he ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our Scoutmaster. He said he suure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time...By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about me. I'm fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.........

Your son,
Jack